the things she brought with her
by mirajens
Summary: The things she brought with her, but didn't want to. They were better left behind. For Ika.
1. Chapter 1

**Item one: his coat**

His coat sat on the backless settee by the foot of her bed. She hadn't left her room since she got there; lifelessly she sat with her back against the headboard trying to tell herself to chuck that memory of him in the fire and be done with it. When Lisanna and Elfman come in to bring her food and talk and she pretended to be asleep, she silently wished they would take it with them but they didn't.

It has been a few days since she returned to her family's home, her room littered with storage boxes her siblings had crammed there because they didn't think she was ever coming back and leaving that quiet house and the man half her heart. Mirajane didn't as well, just as she never thought she'd ever feel her left ring finger bare again.

She thought back to the very night that she left and took everything with her and she failed to rid herself of him. It was night, it was cold, it was the perfect atmosphere to start a fight. To bring up how she found underwear she'd never have bought in the dirty laundry from his last mission, how she didn't need to because when he came home the smell of him damned him and confirmed her suspicions. In the way of their union, she didn't say much. Just that she was done, that she didn't deserve this and that she was leaving and he'd better not follow her. But he did, all the way to their room, him hot on her heels as she stuffed her side of the closet into a bag that had previously been stored away and recently unearthed even as her hands still trembled from finding that scrap of lime green lace.

By the time she was out the door and surging into the chill of the night in a thin camisole and cotton pants, he reappeared by her side and draped that great coat on her shoulders. "Be warm, at least. I'll call Elfman to meet you halfway." She was glad he didn't try to stop her because it never took much for her to stay.

Three days later she was still reeling from shock and trying to convince herself she didn't want to go back.

* * *

 **note:** A great deal of cheating goes on in my family which made me thoughtful. The part of me that had been there didn't want to write this, but the curious part, the foolish part, has spun some ridiculous sort of justification to why it happens in the first place. And there should never be any. That's why Laxus won't have any reasons, so sorry if you're looking for that. People can be assholes who don't have a reason to be sometimes. But anyway, I'm already too invested in this thanks to Ika, a horrible enabler in the sense that she told me- screamed at me not to write anymore angst for this storyline.


	2. Chapter 2

**item two: Lacrima recording**

The tiny glass orb fit right into the palm of her hand, a little weighty and cool to the touch. Mirajane found it in the worn treasure box among the untidy mess of her luggage (she couldn't unpack yet; didn't really _want_ to). Inside was her mother's ring which Mira kept should Elfman ever want it for his future bride one day, her father's antique pocket watch and some dried flowers that her siblings had picked for her sixteenth birthday. A roll of parchment sat underneath it all: the land title of their original family home─ something Mirajane had never touched since she stashed it into her bag before fleeing their old town. Maybe one day they'd find the urge to go back for some reason. Unlikely, but still.

She kept no senseless things in her box, just the most precious of memories from her family and she'd considered Laxus the same. The Lacrima was not an unknown. Mirajane's hands shook as she removed the ball from the box, knowing full well what it contained. To remind herself, she played it once. To torture herself, she replayed it until her eyes had no more tears to cry and her chest felt raw and hollow.

Laxus' face was a small but clear projection from the Lacrima. He seemed distracted, his eyes flitting from one corner of the room to another before it settled on the Lacrima. Evergreen and Bickslow fought softly in the background. Freed told them to be quiet.

 _"Sorry I didn't get a chance to say goodbye before I left. I was gonna wake you but you were practically snoring."_

His teeth flashed in a sloppy grin, his face so childish it sent a pang through her heart.

 _"We're in Goldwood now and the kids can't decide who's coughing up cash to pay for items that already disappeared from the minibar."_ When she first heard it, she thought, no wonder he was so distracted and that his put upon father attitude was cute. Now, hearing the amusement in his voice was calamity upon her crumbling sanity. She'd wanted that with him, didn't she? That blissful kind of exasperation, the familiarity of family. She still did. _"I'll check in on you later. Don't miss me too much, Demon."_

But she did. Even now, she ached for him.

 _"I'll be home soon."_

She wondered how hard she'd have to throw it for the sphere to crash against the wall, thousands of tiny fragments shattering its smooth shape and raining glass with a yellow tint on her floor. She wondered if she did that, would it unleash a cruel loop of his message like a broken record, impossible to discontinue without its physical vessel to contain it. She wondered if destroying it would break her heart; if she could bear for one of the memories from her treasure box to vanish just because she'd allowed things to escalate to this point. She wondered if it would become any easier and if time healed and would she be able to sleep without having to play it like some stellar lullaby.

* * *

 **note:** kms i hate this sad. Happy Valentines day!


	3. Chapter 3

**item three: Alexandria**

The biggest chunk of home Mirajane took with her. She remembered when home was still with Lisanna and Elfman and she'd brought the dog to the new one she would share with Laxus. She remembered a few weeks back she'd asked Lisanna to retrieve her sweet companion from the last home they thought they'd leave. The morning Mirajane got Alexandria back, he was as miserable as he was when he'd been left with Laxus. It seemed the dog was not impressed when his parents were apart (Mira thought: _you're not the only one_ ). He barely ate and he whined plenty. Mirajane who still reeled from heartbreak could take none of the dog's upset and many times those first few days back in the Strauss home she contemplated going back to Laxus if not for her sake then her baby's.

She didn't. Alexandria learned to live with it as she did. This was what Mirajane thought.

Out of habit, Mirajane took the small dog for some fresh air. Leashes have long been forgone with the well-trained pet so it was a shock when she opened the front door to let him out and Alexandria bolted off the Strauss property as if he was demented. In shock, Mirajane forgot to scream or move at all. With wide eyes she watched the fluff of white bolt through the quiet streets and Mira knew, she just knew where the dog would go.

So she followed. First her feet could only manage wooden steps from the dirt path leading to the main road, then before she knew it, her legs picked up speed and she was sprinting towards the little house flanked by apple trees. Mira froze when she saw Alexandria's tiny body sitting right on the cheery Welcome mat, barking at the door as if demanding the man left behind to open it. Mirajane held her breath until it felt like water clogging her chest but no one answered. She remembered Elfman's whispers to Lisanna two mornings ago: _Laxus went to a dangerous job all alone in Hakobe. I hope he dies there._

Mira sucked air back into her lungs and stepped forward to retrieve her dog. Alexandria continued to bark even as his owner picked him up, even as her gentle hands combed through the fine white fur under his chin. She looked so distressed as she took in the house. Was it true that she left just two months ago? How could her sunny little house look so desolate and haunted now? Why did it feel so cold, why did it make her feel so empty?

It was almost unconscious how her feet took her around the cottage, past the trunks of flowering apple trees and to the garden she couldn't bring with her. No dejected gasp left her lips because the spit dried on her tongue when she laid eyes on the ruin of her paradise. What used to be a kaleidoscope of flora was now just brown, dead things curling over the ground. If she thought Laxus couldn't hurt her more, she was proved wrong. He could care for nothing. He said he loved her, but he had no forethought of her happiness and well-being. Her garden— her love: dead. She wondered if that mattered to him. Did he see the mess of this all and feel a twinge of regret for not trying a bit more or at all?

She touched nothing. Without another word, Mirajane left the old house with Alexandria in her arms, just barely swallowing her sobs and holding back tears. She didn't see their old neighbor watch her sadly from his porch and she didn't know that old Mr Abbott would tell Laxus when he came home that pretty Mira came by and she looked so sad because you didn't water her flowers. Didn't know that after that, Laxus proceeded to uproot every single dead plant and burn them in the garbage like he promised himself but he did buy a small pot of Daisies and even asked Mr Abbott's wife how to plant the fucking flowers that kind of looked like her hair.

Mirajane made it home feeling dense with grief.

The next morning when she took Alexandria on a walk, she used a leash.

* * *

 **note:** AHHH I MISS THIS SERIES. I didnt want to start on this chapter because I had one half made on my broken laptop but I still dont have the funds to get that fixed so like. I'm probably saying goodbye to all the shit I have there.

AND OK I was gonna make this series like, totally about Mirajane. I didn't mean to put in that Laxus planting part but it just got away from me. I think I like it and I hope it didnt mess up the tone of this. And can u tell just how much I love mirajane's dog, giving him an appearance on both series? pls i'd kill a man just for alexandria to have some screen time.

I feel like this isn't really a good chapter because I'm terribly sick but I did need to let out some ~*negative*~ emotion procured from getting nothing but disappointing news from the doctors i'm seeing. Send me good vibes my dudes I need it right now. Love you guys. Be kind to everyone and urself especially!


	4. Chapter 4

**item four: the baby**

A big shock that presented itself one unsuspecting morning. Lisanna, slow-moving and with a gray cast to her skin, came into her older sister's bedroom asking for some tampons. The realizations came in increments, beginning from wondering _do I have any_ , then _when was the last time I even needed to replenish my supply_ and finally, _oh no._ Mirajane's pulse was racing a hundred violent thumps a minute as she handed Lisanna her last box, mouth dry and eyes teary. The youngest Strauss failed to notice anything amiss; Mirajane had ushered her out of the room and shut the door on her too soon.

A quick trip to the drug store and a whole afternoon fretting over four different brands of pregnancy tests later, Mirajane's hunch came to truth. The rest of the evening she spent feeling sorry for herself and depleting her reservoir of tears. Come morning, she was empty despite the growing life in her. She hadn't even noticed. Her stomach was still flat but perhaps the constipated feeling she'd been getting should have been enough of a sign. She spent one more day barricaded in her room until Elfman tore down the door from its hinges and he burst in with Lisanna. One frightening look at their emaciated sister staring hollowly at the ceiling had them in worried tears. They always had been easy to cry. Mirajane had a bleak moment thinking it was funny that despite her predicament, she was still the one wiping the wet cheeks of her siblings.

As the weeks passed and as her belly grew, the gravity of the situation dawned on her heavier than the previous day. She and Erza bought dresses with looser waists. Freed kept her updated on Laxus' schedule so she didn't have to run into him at the guild hall (not that he spent much time at home; she thought that since they broke up, he'd been in Magnolia no more than a week each month). Not many people knew. Mirajane did not know who else she could trust because sometimes she caught Elfman staring at her midsection, searching for the swelling bump with lines between his brows and sometimes, Cana started asking if Laxus already knew before Erza's armored elbow could ram into Cana's bare ribs.

By the fifth month, it was getting hard to hide. With spring coming to a close and Magnolia summers' notoriety for being mercilessly humid, there was no more chance to hide under frilly dresses or large coats. Mirajane contemplated staying at home; she imagined living in a self-imposed exile would be better than seeing that look, the one that went from _you're pregnant, Mira-san? But who is the father_ to _Ohhhh I get it_ before they could even open their mouths to speak. She wanted no more stares of pity. She felt plenty enough for herself.

The nights were getting harder. Sleep became a commodity with the start discomfort she felt all over her changing body from the creaky pain of her back to the heavy compactness in her abdomen that made it hard to breathe. Sometimes, the baby moved and it terrified her. She was at her sixth month and she still didn't know what to do.

Or rather, she didn't know if she could push through with what she wanted to do.

If there was one constant thought, it was the dastardly one of how she missed Laxus. If there was a desire that was all consuming, it was to see him again. Perhaps, if she was someone else, there would be shame in these thoughts, in longing for someone who hurt her so tactlessly and made no effort to fix things. Perhaps if she was someone else, someone harder or someone stronger, she would carry on all by herself and forget the man who took so much. But Mirajane was not someone else- she was only the woman who thought it quite brave to be kind.

So she would go back. Back to the happy yellow house and the love she couldn't shut the door on. She would rebuild her garden and re-establish the strongholds of her family so nothing could go wrong like this. The future was terrifying with its uncertainty but she was sure that if they crawled before they walked, everything would be fine.

* * *

She let herself in with her key. The fact that it still worked, that it was the same locks was something hopeful. Inside the house, the air was almost stale with all the shut in windows but they were easy to fix once the cheery shutters were thrown wide, casting the space with a warm and healthy breeze and enough sunlight to make everything look normal again. Something turned in her belly and Mirajane smiled for it. Hopeful indeed.

Laxus would not be back until the four o'clock train so there were two more hours to wait, to settle. Mirajane touched everything: the old lamps, the weave of the kitchen table's _abaca_ , the light wood of their unmade bed. Their house was so bare without her things and she vowed to fix that.

When she felt surer of her footing, Mira ventured outside. Still such an ugly and unbearable sight with the loss of greenery and colors but the land had settled from its upturning and there was a flourishing patch of daisies by the corner of the lawn. It wasn't amazing but it was more than enough for her. There would be plenty of days to nurture this home into a semblance of what it once was.

* * *

Day was turning into placid twilight when Laxus came home. Yellow light shined from the kitchen, alarming if Laxus didn't know it was always the room that Mirajane liked to stay in until he returned from wherever his feet took him. He knew better than to get his hopes up but it felt so right that he was calm when he twisted the door he knew would be unlocked. It was the first time since she left half a year ago that Laxus didn't have to use his key.

* * *

 **note:** The very first review on this fanfic was a response to the author's note on the first chapter about how some people don't have a good reason if they had any at all, to cheat. The anon said that sometimes, people don't need a reason to forgive those mistakes as well. And they're absolutely right. That was the loudest intention I had when I decided to write this. I'm not enabling cheating at all. I'm just saying that sometimes, you don't really need a reason to hold onto anger. You can forgive and forget if that helps you move on faster. And sometimes, you can just forgive. It's not for everyone, surely. But I find that being forgiving and not holding onto any anger or hurt is the kindest thing I can do for myself. Life is too short to punish yourself with negativity.

Of course, situations are always different so I'm not imposing these reasons or beliefs on anyone.

Anyway. Thank you for staying around. I know I (sort of) promised six chapters but I'm done with this and I hope it's enough for you guys. I think it ended on a hopeful enough ending. Not a happy one, certainly, but it leaves many possibilities for our otp.


End file.
